Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
