You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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