He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
