...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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