I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
