Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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