I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
