My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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