3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
