Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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