I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
