I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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