Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
