Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
