my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
