So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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