just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
