Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
