Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
