Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
