Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
