we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
