hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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