"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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