Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
