Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
