we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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