Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
why do cheetos always look like penises
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
