wake up i wanna do it froggy style
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He shit in the fireplace
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
