GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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