She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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