you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
