Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
3 2 1 whiskey
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
