Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
