a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
