Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
