Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
