I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize