yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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