he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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