the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
