blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize