i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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