i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
