He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
