As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
