Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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