So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
