Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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