You're a womanizer and a bitch.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
