rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
