Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
