this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
