was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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