I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
