OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
third nipple confirmed
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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