I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish you could order shots online.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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