I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
