um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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