Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
