Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
