I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
